A daily miasma of frivolity by two wanna-be cultural critics. Or: just, like, some good links, dude.

Tag Archives: riff track

Jul 02 2011
Mark Twain, probably

The Daily Show (2011-06-30) – Mark Halperin Calls Obama a Dick

The Daily Show (2011-06-30) – Mark Halperin Calls Obama a Dick

Colin:
So that was excellent.
‘Ili:
That was a running gag, a couple of other times in the show that cutout popped up when Jon said something offensive.
Colin:
Eeh.
Colin:
Hopefully they’ve gotten it out of their system.
Colin:
Or I’m gonna have to Geist their asses.
‘Ili:
::Geist pops up::
‘Ili:
::second Geist pops up in disappointment of first Geist::
Colin:
What would happen if Willie Geist did something wrong?
Colin:
Could he Geist himself?
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Jul 01 2011
Mark Twain, probably

‘Ili:
Out loud.
Colin:
Oh yeah, obviously.
Colin:
Like the howlers in Harry Potter.
Colin:
“PICK ME UP AND READ SOMETHING, YOU ILLITERATE HOBO”
‘Ili:
And if you try to avoid it, it connects to the internet and all Kindles around the world gang up on you.
‘Ili:
Boxes rattle when you walk by an AT&T store.
Colin:
Nelson Muntz’s voice echoes through the Best Buy parking lot.
‘Ili:
After a month: The Birds.
Colin:
But Kindles. That have taken wing.
Colin:
They’re pecking you with repurposed serial commas.
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Jun 10 2011
Mark Twain, probably

SEC stops Web campaign to buy beer company

SEC stops Web campaign to buy beer company

Note that the title I have given this post is not the same as the title of the article, written by Marcy Gordon of the AP. I have redacted a pun for your protection.

It seemed like an innovative way to buy a beer company: Start an online campaign to purchase the iconic Pabst Brewing Co. and sell shares on Facebook and Twitter to cover the $300 million cost.

Michael Migliozzi II and Brian William Flatow found 5 million people who said they would invest a total of $200 million. But the federal government halted the venture after it informed the two men of one major oversight – they neglected to register the public offering with the Securities and Exchange Commission, a violation of federal law.

…

By law, public stock offerings must be registered with the SEC before their promoters begin to sell shares. When they register to sell shares in a company, they must provide information about the company’s financial condition and other data to help investors decide whether they should buy in.

Genius! Except for that pesky thing where we live in a country with regulations.

Migliozzi and Flatow spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. And they created the BuyaBeerCompany.com web site, which included a countdown timer showing how much money had been pledged.

Prospective investors were told to hold off sending money until the company had $300 million in pledges. Once they reached that goal, promoters would contact them to collect the money and proceed to buy Pabst. In return, investors would receive a certificate of ownership and beer equal in value to what they had contributed.

SOLD

The SEC has an entire enforcement unit devoted to Internet surveillance with a staff of more than 200 people. The CyberForce has flagged numerous instances of unregistered securities sales online.

Colin:
Hell yeah.
Colin:
Securities fraud. Cyber securities fraud.
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Jun 04 2011
Mark Twain, probably

British spies to terrorists: make cupcakes not war

British spies to terrorists: make cupcakes not war

So that title of this article by Paisley Dodds of the AP is pretty terrible. But only because the actual gist of the story is somehow even better:

Britain’s spy agencies have a new message for terrorists: make cupcakes, not war.

Intelligence agents managed to hack into the extremist Inspire magazine, replacing its bombmaking instructions with a recipe for cupcakes.

…

The quarterly online magazine, which is sent to websites and email addresses as a pdf file, had offered an original page titled “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom” in one of its editions last year. The magazine’s pages were corrupted, however, and the instructions replaced with the cupcake recipe.

Colin:
Basically they should just hire LulzSecurity.
Colin:
And other 4chan-related hacking groups.
Colin:
“Alright go hack the bad guys instead of sony”
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May 27 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Hidden Egyptian pyramids found by infra-red satellite images

Hidden Egyptian pyramids found by infra-red satellite images

Seventeen lost pyramids are among the buildings identified in a new satellite survey of Egypt.

More than 1,000 tombs and 3,000 ancient settlements were also revealed by looking at infra-red images which show up underground buildings.

Sweet.

“Indiana Jones is old school, we’ve moved on from Indy. Sorry, Harrison Ford.”

‘Ili:
I haven’t moved on from Indy.
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May 22 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe ‘stealing Iran’s rain’

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe ‘stealing Iran’s rain’

Barney Henderson of The Telegraph, reporting on Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s remarks at the inauguration of a dam:

“Western countries have designed plans to cause drought in certain areas of the world, including Iran,” Mr Ahmadinejad said in the city of Arak in Markazi province.

“According to reports on climate, whose accuracy has been verified, European countries are using special equipment to force clouds to dump” their water on their continent, he said.

By doing so, “they prevent rain clouds from reaching regional countries, including Iran,” Mr Ahmadinejad charged.

Colin:
I wish.
Colin:
Also if we did have weather machines
Colin:
why use it to steal only IRAN’s rain?
Colin:
Why not just keep all the rain to ourselves, period?
Colin:
“We sanction you. No rain for 25 weeks”
‘Ili:
Why not Iran’s rain?
‘Ili:
Sure it’d cause an international incident with most countries.
‘Ili:
But Iran? “Oh, crazy Ahmadinejad is just denying the Holocaust again or whatever, what a kook”
‘Ili:
It makes perfect sense.
Colin:
Excellent point.
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May 19 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Sugar Violin Plays Music

Sugar Violin Plays Music

Sugar Violin Plays Music

CONSTRUCTED entirely of sugar by Adolph Hubner, a San Francisco confectioner and sculptor, the novel violin shown above produces excellent music. The instrument was first modeled in cardboard, and finally modeled in sugar with gum tragacanth. A number of famous- violinists have pronounced the instrument excellent in tone.

Modern Mechanix posted this blurb from the April 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions today. Would sugar even have the tensile strength to hold the strings taut enough?

‘Ili:
How would that even work?
Colin:
Sweetly.
‘Ili:
Now why did you have to go and do that.
Colin:
Too saccharine for you?
‘Ili:
blocked
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May 17 2011
Mark Twain, probably

‘Ili:
Excellent reporting.
Colin:
I’m 3x sure now that he won’t run.
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May 13 2011
Mark Twain, probably

‘Ili:
http://blog.netflix.com/2011/05/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html
‘Ili:
ahahahahaha oh god post slug
‘Ili:
I was going to quote something from the post but I just noticed that now and can’t stop laughing.
Colin:
Oh my god.
‘Ili:
http://blog.netflix.com/2011/04/marvel-content-coming-to-netflix.html This one is fine.
‘Ili:
But NORMAL 0 FALSE FALSE FALSE EN US X NONE
‘Ili:
Did a whole table row get dumped into that field or something
Colin:
'; drop table users; --
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Apr 14 2011
Mark Twain, probably

In 1989, photographer Michael Galinsky went on a road trip with a friend, taking shots at various shopping malls along the way. He’s currently running a fundraiser on Kickstarter to publish his Malls Across America project in an 80~ page book. TODAY.com posted a slideshow of twenty-five of the photos, and they’re as fabulous a window into the ’80s as you can possibly imagine.

‘Ili:
The fashion
‘Ili:
The hair
‘Ili:
The logo
‘Ili:
The cassette tapes
Colin:
The shorts.
Colin:
THE SHORTS
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