A daily miasma of frivolity by two wanna-be cultural critics. Or: just, like, some good links, dude.

Tag Archives: horrifyingly offensive

Sep 04 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Nevada ‘scrappers’ hit new low of stealing metal from Washoe County cemetery

Nevada ‘scrappers’ hit new low of stealing metal from Washoe County cemetery

Jaclyn O’Malley for the Reno Gazette-Journal, with contributions from the AP:

In July, a 35-year-old man allegedly pillaged Our Mother of Sorrows Cemetery in Reno and stole more than 150 bronze vases that were meant to hold flowers for the deceased, Reno police said. Brett Taylor Allen, who has been charged with burglary and possession of stolen property, told investigators during an interview that he was “ashamed” of his grave-robbing, according to a report. He was released on bail Aug. 16.

Cemetery operations manager Sophia Mitchell said a staff member in July noticed that flowers were thrown on a sidewalk instead of resting in their bronze vases. Mitchell discovered that about 150 of the vases were missing, while flowers remained in the bronze ring that formerly held the vases.

Thefts of metals, copper in particular, have been on a big rise in the past few years. But cemetery vases? Really? Sigh.

And we’re not the only ones. Double sigh.

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Aug 28 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Irene ‘Wounding’ Weekend Box Office

Irene ‘Wounding’ Weekend Box Office

I believe I may have found the worst news story in the history of news reporting. My life’s mission is now to destroy Jeff Daniels of CNBC, completely and utterly. From every point in the timestream, in this and all other universes.

From the title, you can guess the subject: CNBC has done some crack reporting on the apparently counterintuitive result that a natural disaster may cause a dip in theater revenue. The title alone was enough to get me to click through, where I was treated to this little beauty:

“Hurricane Irene is definitely wounding this weekend’s box office, but only by washing away a couple million off the top of our estimates,” Boxoffice Magazine’s Amy Nicholson tells CNBC. “To be honest, none of this weekend’s three new releases was projected to open to more than $12 million.”

Yes, she used the phrase “washing away.” She could not let it go. In the face of a natural disaster, she still had to slip the pun in there.

Brava.

Oh wait, she’s not done yet? Crap.

Nicholson said the marketing on new releases “just wasn’t there to motivate people to leave their houses regardless of the weather. At least those executives now have an act-of-God excuse for why their films underperformed.”

A cogent analysis. Hollywood marketing is not yet good enough to compel people to brave a hurricane.

And yes, the real winner of Hurricane Irene? Film company executives.

These two quotes alone would have been enough for me to write this piece up. But wait! Daniels has one more trick up his sleeve. Because Amy Nicholson was somehow not offensive enough on her own, Daniels dug up this quote for the final paragraph:

Meanwhile, Time Warner Cable issued a press release saying “Hurricane Irene gives Time Warner Cable customers the perfect excuse to get caught up with on demand shows and movies.”

It was at this point that I picked up my chair, threw it through the window, jumped out, and ran screaming into the night.

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Aug 11 2011
Mark Twain, probably

Moving Pictures Suggested To End The Tramp Evil

Moving Pictures Suggested To End The Tramp Evil

James Forbes, Hobo Expert, Proposes Also the Equipment of Every Village Police Department and Railroad Station with a Mendicant “Rogues’ Gallery” to Help Stamp Out the Nuisance

Sunday Magazine posted this article from the August 13, 1911, edition of The New York Times’s Sunday Magazine. It is horrifyingly offensive.

Mr. Forbes declares that there are certainly 250,000 tramps and professional beggars in this country, if not many more; that the number is growing every year in spite of the heavy killing and maiming of vagrants every year by the railroads. The jails and penitentiaries are being filled with them, he says, as they move on down grade from begging and petty thievery to the crimes of arson, safe-breaking, and murder. Mr. Forbes declares that the army of trampdom is recruited by thousand every year from the homes of respectable and often well-to-do parents in small towns. Boys respond to the call of the road, the call of the world and of adventure, and soon they are the slaves of “kid-snaring” professional tramps, made to beg, and beaten until their spirit is gone.

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